Sex Therapy for Porn Addiction in Roanoke, Virginia
How do you know if your porn use is a problem?
Plenty of people are able to consume pornography in a way that doesn’t interfere with their life goals, their relationships, or their sex life. Using sexually explicit content to get more enjoyment from masturbation isn’t necessarily problematic or destructive. However, if you feel like you’re relying on porn more heavily than you want to, your partner is upset, or your habit is interfering with your sex life, it could be helpful to talk with a trained professional. As a certified sex therapist offering individual and couples sessions in Roanoke, Virginia, I want to share some information that I hope you will find helpful.
No one wants to have a porn addiction, and compulsive behavior doesn’t just come out of nowhere. There are a number of reasons that people become more reliant on pornography than they would prefer. First, you might have a higher sex drive than your partner. Desire discrepancy in a relationship is normal. Rarely do people want exactly the same amount of sex at exactly the same time. However, a significant discrepancy can lead to conflict, tension, and feelings of rejection. Sometimes the partner with higher desire relies on porn and masturbation to cope.
Sometimes a person will use masturbation to avoid having sex. This might happen if you have performance anxiety, are worried you can’t please your partner, or your partner has been harsh or critical in the past. You might also notice that you want to avoid sex if you’re generally not getting along. When you masturbate, the experience can be all about your timeline, your interests, and your needs. You don’t have to worry about how you look or whether you’re doing a good job. You don’t have to worry about feeling disappointed or embarrassed, you have full control over the situation, and you know exactly how long it’s going to take. It’s understandable that sometimes it feels easier to engage in solo sex than work to navigate all the complex communication dynamics required to be intimate with another person.
Another reason someone might seek out porn is when you have specific interests that your partner doesn’t share. Or maybe you haven’t even discussed your preferences with your partner, and have just assumed that they would not be well-received. Some people have interests that are not very mainstream, but instead are more fringe or outside the box. These can be harder to communicate with someone else due to fear of being judged. There is a wide range of sexual interests that are healthy and normal to fantasize about, but if you can’t share these interests with your partner, it can feel isolating and put distance between you.
Sometimes people rely on masturbation to distract from stressful life situations, have an escape into fantasy, or avoid unpleasant tasks. If you feel highly responsible in your life, like you don’t have enough time to feel lighthearted, playful, and have fun, this can be oppressive. For some people, sexual release is relaxing and provides a sense of well being. For others, it is a mood booster. It is understandable that a quick and easy escape from the burdens of adult life can be highly tempting.
You might think that feeling bad about your porn use would lead to a reduction in this behavior. Unfortunately, sometimes feeling guilty and ashamed has the exact opposite effect. Being plagued by these unpleasant emotions only increases the longing for escape, thus setting off a cycle of needing that escape even more.
Finally, internet algorithms are created to keep you engaged. Whether you’re watching funny reels on social media or watching porn, the website you’re using wants to keep your attention. This means that new and interesting content will keep coming your way, and it can be very hard to disengage from this. Very smart robots are working hard to keep you hooked!
As a certified sex therapist practicing in Roanoke, Virginia, I offer individual and couples therapy to people who are struggling with porn addiction. Most people come to see me with a sense of guilt and shame. My goal is to help you understand yourself better so that you can make the changes you want to see in your life. I don’t even like to call it porn addiction, because I find that some people realize quickly that the porn isn’t the problem. Often, when communication barriers and stressful life situations are successfully addressed, feelings of isolation and shame go down and porn use naturally decreases.
If you are struggling with porn addiction and are interested in participating in therapy in Roanoke, Virginia (or online from anywhere in Virginia), I encourage you to contact me for a free consultation. I have the education, experience, understanding, and compassion to help you gain freedom and find a path forward.