Mindfulness Meditation for Better Sex

Because your most powerful sexual organ is… your brain.

Sometimes you have a lot on your mind.  It can be hard to get in the mood for sex when you’re thinking about paying bills, meeting a work deadline, getting the laundry done, and all the many things you feel responsible for.  Feeling worried, stressed, or overwhelmed can totally kill the mood.

One path to feeling more sexual can be to get out of your head and into your body.  After all, good sex is more about feeling than thinking.  Good sex means being fully present in the moment, noticing what you’re experiencing, and not putting too much pressure on yourself to change or control anything that is happening.  Practicing mindfulness can be a great way to practice getting into this headspace.

I invite you to scroll down to access my free mindfulness meditation, which I recorded in my therapy office in Roanoke, Virginia.  In less than five minutes, you can practice letting go of your thoughts and getting in touch with your senses.  This is an easy meditation that you can practice anywhere.

I don’t recommend trying to pivot directly from “responsibility mode” to jumping straight into bed, if this sounds daunting to you.  Instead, you might start by practicing some mindfulness meditation to gain awareness of what’s going on in your mind and see if you can allow it to settle down a bit.  Mindfulness meditation doesn’t mean trying to think of nothing (which feels impossible for most people).  Instead, the goal of mindfulness meditation is to simply be aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, without judgment or interpretation. 

One way to feel more present in your body is to tune into your five senses.  Being aware of what you’re hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, and feeling can enhance your awareness of the present moment.  Don’t you want to more fully experience your partner during moments of physical intimacy?  Focusing on your senses can also help pull you away from thoughts that aren’t helpful, like “do I look okay?” or “what if I can’t stay hard?”  Thoughts like these are almost guaranteed to lead to a more stressful and less pleasurable experience.

When people talk about a sensual experience, they’re talking about being highly in tune with the senses.  You can probably bring to mind sensual experiences that have helped you to feel fully in the moment, more alive, and more in touch with your body.  For example, taking a bite of something outrageously delicious, hearing uplifting music, or easing into a hot bath can help you to forget your worries and feel engaged and present.

Sensuality is not the same as sexuality, but one often leads to the other.  If you feel cut off from your senses (such as having just spent eight hours in front of a computer), you will probably feel cut off from your body, and also your sexuality.  Experiences that help you tune into your senses and your body, such as feeling a soft breeze caress your skin, or listening to the crashing power of ocean waves, can put you in a state where it feels more effortless to tap into sexual desire.  I am fortunate to live in Roanoke, Virginia, where I am surrounded by beautiful mountains.  It’s easy to feel in touch with nature, with all five senses, and with the experience of being present and alive when standing on a beautiful mountaintop surveying the valley below.

Moreover, practicing mindfulness meditation can assist in reducing self-judgment and self-criticism, while enhancing self-acceptance. This is beneficial for sex as well. When it comes to sexual experiences, it's helpful to embrace thoughts that excite you. Often, we tend to judge or suppress these thoughts. I encourage you to view your sexual thoughts as a dreamscape. Dreams can be thrilling, frightening, distressing, or blissful, and we rarely judge ourselves for our subconscious experiences during sleep. I suggest adopting the same openness and non-judgment towards yourself in sexual situations. Allow yourself to let go of control, immerse yourself in the experience, and explore. It's important to remember that thoughts don't define actions. All thoughts are valid.

I hope you enjoy the free mindfulness meditation I have provided below.  If you’re interested in participating in sex therapy in Roanoke, Virginia, or online anywhere in Virginia, I encourage you to contact me for a free consultation.